Getting Unstuck: The Power of Asking Yourself The Right Questions

WEBVTT

00:00:09.051 --> 00:00:12.215
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos.

00:00:12.215 --> 00:00:19.568
We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best.

00:00:19.568 --> 00:00:27.789
It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive.

00:00:27.789 --> 00:00:34.387
Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals.

00:00:34.387 --> 00:00:37.228
Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos.

00:00:37.228 --> 00:00:38.844
Now on to the show.

00:00:38.844 --> 00:00:43.567
Hey friends, welcome to this episode of Organized Chaos.

00:00:43.567 --> 00:00:44.509
I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:44.509 --> 00:00:46.164
If you're new here, welcome.

00:00:46.164 --> 00:00:47.326
I hope you enjoy the show.

00:00:47.448 --> 00:01:02.993
I'm actually going to be talking about a topic that has really been a game changer for me and for a lot of people that I coach, because it's really about getting unstuck, using the power of asking yourself the right questions.

00:01:02.993 --> 00:01:09.322
Now you're probably thinking okay, what does that even mean and why is it important for us to ask ourselves the right questions?

00:01:09.322 --> 00:01:11.852
So of course, we have this inner dialogue.

00:01:11.852 --> 00:01:20.471
Sometimes we have an inner mean girl or like this, you know, really negative internal dialogue and it's okay.

00:01:20.471 --> 00:01:37.332
I mean, we all kind of have it, but it's all about becoming aware of what that or how that is affecting us and being able to reframe that into something that is actually going to help us create momentum and move forward and actually help us even make better decisions.

00:01:37.332 --> 00:01:40.789
So why am I really talking about this?

00:01:40.789 --> 00:01:52.742
It's really kind of like that thing where we have so many thoughts in our head and some of these things can really creep in and we don't even realize how much it's impacting us in a negative way.

00:01:52.742 --> 00:02:03.087
So I just want to shine a light on this and also kind of give you some examples of how you can apply this in your life so that you can start getting unstuck.

00:02:03.087 --> 00:02:08.243
So what's the difference between a wrong question and a right question?

00:02:08.243 --> 00:02:15.200
So a wrong question, in my eyes, is one that is more problem based.

00:02:15.200 --> 00:02:28.102
It's really focusing more on what's going wrong or what's broken or missing, and a right question is an empowering question and something that is more focused on the solution.

00:02:28.102 --> 00:02:30.004
So just think about it.

00:02:30.004 --> 00:02:43.665
Like, if you start to ask yourself questions that are more empowering and that focus on the things that you have control over and more solution-based, how do you think that's going to change your life?

00:02:43.665 --> 00:02:49.246
Well, maybe you're already like this and you probably can kind of see the effects of this.

00:02:49.246 --> 00:03:05.050
But I want to really kind of hone in on this because it's really something that can make a huge impact in our lives, not just in our business, but in our relationships and even with our own wellbeing.

00:03:06.251 --> 00:03:13.856
So let's first talk about kind of like the role of this and the role of asking ourselves the right questions.

00:03:13.856 --> 00:03:24.073
It's really about personal development, it's personal growth, it's being aware of our thoughts and how those thoughts are leading to our behavior.

00:03:24.073 --> 00:03:37.348
Because whatever we think about really aligns with our actions, and if we're trying to get somewhere, if we're trying to achieve certain goals, our actions have to align with that.

00:03:37.348 --> 00:03:39.901
But our actions don't just don't come out of nowhere.

00:03:39.901 --> 00:03:45.854
They come from the thoughts that we have, and sometimes those thoughts are questions.

00:03:45.854 --> 00:03:54.974
So we want to ask ourselves questions that are going to lead to better and more aligned actions.

00:03:54.974 --> 00:04:03.870
This is also a really great way to reduce our overwhelm and it helps us focus on what really matters.

00:04:04.460 --> 00:04:07.302
Like I said, the right questions are more solution-based.

00:04:07.302 --> 00:04:15.308
So it's kind of allowing ourselves to think about like, what do I have control over and what kind of actions can I take?

00:04:15.308 --> 00:04:24.408
So it's also a way to kind of like be more curious than you know, allowing more self-doubt to creep in.

00:04:24.408 --> 00:04:28.300
So that's what's really important about this, right?

00:04:28.300 --> 00:04:29.684
Because you know.

00:04:29.684 --> 00:04:47.966
Just imagine someone else, someone who you look up to, someone who you know is a few steps ahead of you, and you know you're telling them, you know some of the things that you're struggling with, and you know that person is not going to ask you well, why are you a failure?

00:04:47.966 --> 00:04:50.555
Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

00:04:50.555 --> 00:04:59.141
That person is probably going to ask you well, okay, what are some of the things that you can do, or what has helped you in the past?

00:04:59.141 --> 00:05:02.026
Those are a little bit more empowering questions.

00:05:02.026 --> 00:05:08.343
Now, this is about really honing in on how you can use this for yourself.

00:05:08.343 --> 00:05:13.553
You be that person in that inner dialogue so that you can move forward.

00:05:13.553 --> 00:05:19.670
So how does this actually apply in our lives, in different areas of our lives?

00:05:19.670 --> 00:05:21.860
So I'll give you an example of a few.

00:05:22.141 --> 00:05:24.622
So, let's say, this is more in your career.

00:05:24.622 --> 00:05:36.307
So, instead of asking yourself, well, so stagnant in my career, you can ask yourself instead what steps can I take to advance my career today?

00:05:36.307 --> 00:05:47.079
Now, this does a couple of things, right, because you go from, oh, this is a problem, I'm stagnant to okay, well, what can I do and what can I start doing today?

00:05:47.079 --> 00:05:54.497
And that really focuses more on, like the small steps that you can take so it's less overwhelming.

00:05:54.497 --> 00:06:05.148
So when you're thinking about, oh, my career is stagnant, you're kind of thinking about the future and like the worst case scenario and with this particular question, you're thinking more of what can I do now?

00:06:05.148 --> 00:06:08.916
Like I'm in the present moment, what is it that I can do today?

00:06:08.916 --> 00:06:13.331
And it makes it a little less overwhelming.

00:06:13.331 --> 00:06:24.928
So the reframing can actually lead to more actionable steps and also kind of like this renewed motivation, like, oh, okay, you know I can do this, it's not so bad.

00:06:24.949 --> 00:06:39.848
And when it comes to relationships, like you know, some of the questions that we ask ourselves is, you know, maybe we have someone in our life who kind of like some of the questions that we ask ourselves is, you know, maybe we have someone in our life who kind of like upsets us or, you know, gets on our nerves, and maybe we're thinking like, why does this person always frustrate me?

00:06:39.848 --> 00:06:52.906
No, that's not going to lead to a positive answer, and we could say instead or what you can ask yourself instead is what boundaries do I need to set to protect my peace.

00:06:52.906 --> 00:06:58.632
Now this is, you know, the way that I see this is like we can't control anybody else.

00:06:58.632 --> 00:07:00.454
We can't control their behavior.

00:07:00.454 --> 00:07:07.721
We can only control how we show up, and that can actually lead to influencing others.

00:07:07.721 --> 00:07:14.475
So it goes from you know less about control and more about how do I want to show up.

00:07:14.475 --> 00:07:21.699
This can also kind of transform your relationships because you're maybe less defensive.

00:07:22.185 --> 00:07:24.334
So I want to share something with you that happened last week.

00:07:24.334 --> 00:07:31.351
I had a coaching session with a one-on-one client and she was feeling really overwhelmed with the start of the new school year.

00:07:31.351 --> 00:07:53.930
You know she's, you know's in her full-time job, she has two kids and she felt like her partner just wasn't helping out and this was creating a lot of stress on her mentally and physically, because it's the start of all the new routines and the added responsibilities with extracurricular activities and all of that the added responsibilities with, like, extracurricular activities and all of that.

00:07:53.930 --> 00:08:03.581
So, like the questions that she was asking was why doesn't he just know how to do this, or why do I have to tell him to do this?

00:08:03.581 --> 00:08:23.468
So all of these questions, like yeah, like I understand that those are some of the questions that will pop up, because we do feel frustrated and we just feel like this is the way to approach it, but it's not going to allow you to actually find a solution to this.

00:08:23.468 --> 00:08:28.098
Now, like I said, we can't control anybody, but we can influence them.

00:08:28.805 --> 00:08:38.693
So I did an exercise with her and it was really about kind of reframing the way that she was approaching this and we came up with a statement for her.

00:08:38.693 --> 00:08:43.193
She actually came up with a statement, but this can also become a question.

00:08:43.193 --> 00:08:50.533
So her statement was I'm being proactive and protecting my own energy, so this is what she has control over.

00:08:50.533 --> 00:08:52.558
This is what she has control over.

00:08:52.558 --> 00:08:59.524
Now a question or saying this in a question in the form of a question is how can I be proactive and protect my own energy?

00:08:59.524 --> 00:09:12.418
So now she's looking at it through the lens of okay, how can I work with this and find a solution without having to feel like someone else has to change in order for me to be happy?

00:09:13.346 --> 00:09:15.634
Now we went through that exercise in the session.

00:09:15.634 --> 00:09:17.010
She was feeling a little bit better.

00:09:17.010 --> 00:09:21.495
She didn't make any changes other than reframing her thoughts around it.

00:09:21.495 --> 00:09:31.452
Now I got a message from her the next day stating that of course, she didn't really do anything, but her husband did something different.

00:09:31.452 --> 00:09:41.620
He offered to take on a responsibility that allowed her to actually go home and rest and feel refreshed for the next day.

00:09:41.620 --> 00:09:53.711
And there was also like a better conversation that they had, where there was another particular issue that she was struggling with and her partner actually acknowledged that.

00:09:53.711 --> 00:10:02.135
And, you know, it was just kind of funny in a way, because it's almost like you know, you put it out there in the universe and like it actually happened.

00:10:02.135 --> 00:10:15.083
It doesn't always happen that way, of course, because now she can see, oh, this is actually workable, we can actually do this.

00:10:15.083 --> 00:10:21.807
And it was all about kind of reframing her mind and her thoughts around it and how she can show up.

00:10:22.269 --> 00:10:34.149
So I want to kind of do this a little bit more in the general sense, like some of the general questions that might pop up and how you can transform it into right versus wrong question.

00:10:34.149 --> 00:10:38.212
So sometimes we'll have a thought like why am I failing?

00:10:38.212 --> 00:10:46.052
So this is kind of leading more towards a victim mentality and it doesn't really offer a way forward.

00:10:46.052 --> 00:10:51.633
Now the right way to ask a question would be what can I learn from this setback?

00:10:51.633 --> 00:10:59.155
So this is more growth oriented and you're learning from your mistakes and creating a path to improve.

00:10:59.155 --> 00:11:00.879
So it's way different.

00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:02.043
There's a way different energy.

00:11:02.950 --> 00:11:05.399
Another question is why don't I have enough time?

00:11:05.399 --> 00:11:14.113
So this is really disempowering because you feel like, well, I don't have control over my time and it often leads to kind of like this sense of helplessness.

00:11:14.113 --> 00:11:20.745
So the right question you can ask is how can I prioritize my tasks to make the most of my time?

00:11:20.745 --> 00:11:32.523
Now you're reframing it to a more empowering way and taking control of your time and it'll even increase your productivity, because now you're thinking of the solutions.

00:11:32.523 --> 00:11:35.538
Another question is why can I ever get it right?

00:11:35.538 --> 00:11:44.809
So maybe you have kind of like this inner critic, that or this thought that you're like not good enough and you're like why can I ever get this right?

00:11:44.809 --> 00:11:48.220
So it's just reinforcing self-doubt and negative self-talk.

00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:53.381
The right question could be what small steps can I take to improve?

00:11:53.381 --> 00:11:58.328
Now, again, this is going back to the beginning, when I talked about, like the taking the small steps.

00:11:58.328 --> 00:12:10.900
Today, this is breaking things up into more manageable steps, but it's also removing that negativity where you're not stuck in why can't I?

00:12:10.900 --> 00:12:13.457
You're like, well, how can I?

00:12:13.457 --> 00:12:18.134
So it encourages more progress and it'll build confidence over time.

00:12:18.715 --> 00:12:27.481
Now this is more of awareness, right, and be more mindful about how we ask questions of ourselves daily.

00:12:27.481 --> 00:12:37.683
So I want to give you a homework assignment, and this is really simple and it's just so that you become aware of what's going on in your head so that you can make a different or have a different approach to it.

00:12:37.683 --> 00:12:51.453
So write down three quote unquote wrong questions that you often ask yourself and then reframe them or try to reframe them into quote right questions and see how that turns out.

00:12:51.453 --> 00:13:11.961
You can journal it, you can type it up on your phone, but just keep track of how it is that you're talking to yourself and see what the impact is of these new questions and a new way of approaching this and see if this actually kind of changes the actions that you take and helps you move forward.

00:13:11.961 --> 00:13:14.402
All right, that's all I have for you today.

00:13:14.402 --> 00:13:19.875
I hope that was helpful and I hope you have a great rest of your day and I'll see you again next week.