Mompreneur Mind Games: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Mom Guilt

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show. Hey friends, welcome to another episode of Organized Chaos and if you're new here, welcome. I hope you enjoy the show and I'm glad you're tuning in. So today I want to talk to you about these mom brain games that we play and specifically regarding self-doubt and mom guilt, and they kind of play off of each other and I want to talk about this because I hear about this a lot. It's actually one of mom guilt is one of the main things that come up in my coaching sessions, kind of like that deep rooted belief that you're not being a good mom because you're pursuing your passion, or you're not putting enough time and effort into all the different areas of your life, or you're a career mom and you have that guilt of not being or not being able to spend enough time with your kids. So all of that comes up and I wanted to talk about this because I wanted to make sure that you know you're not alone, because this is a very common feeling to have these feelings of guilt and shame, and because we're not living up to our own or others expectations of the role of being a mom. So I want to really dive into this self-doubt and mom guilt and really kind of give you a different perspective. So I want to start off with a question when was the last time you felt mom guilt? Now this is important to establish, because this is going to be something that I bring up later on on why we have these feelings and what's kind of surrounding these feelings and how we can combat them. Now I call this brain games, because really that's what it is. They're kind of like these mind tricks we play on ourselves, because they're these narratives that we put in place and we go back and forth with it. So one day we're going to feel amazing and the other time we're going to feel like we're the worst mom in the world. So we're constantly battling these beliefs and these stories that we have and that constant battle generates feelings and then those feelings drive our behavior. So ultimately we're manifesting what we don't want. We're manifesting that we're not good moms. But the most empowering thing that we can do is change our thoughts, and that takes time. It takes a different perspective. So many, many years ago actually I think it's about almost eight years ago I left my full time job and I had that mom guilt because I had a career but I had two little kids at home and my in-laws were actually raising our kids and a long story short, my husband and I decided to work really hard on our small business so that I can come home, so that I can be there for my kids and spend more time with them and kind of see their milestones and not miss that. Because it was such a horrible feeling to have in the back of my mind that, yeah, I was, you know, I had a really great job, but my kids were becoming more attached to my in-laws than they were us. So it was a heartbreaking for me and I had that guilt. And when I came home that actually didn't change because I didn't learn to process that and I actually I had to go to therapy for, you know, a lot of different reasons. And I remember this one session when the therapist asked me because I was sharing with the therapist that I did not feel like a good mom or like I was being a bad mom, and, you know, also because I felt like other people were judging me, and and she asked me what is your definition of a good mom? And I had to stop and think about it because I'd never really thought of defining it, and I said something to the effect of I love my children unconditionally and I am there for them, and I, you know, I went off and it was something that just flowed out of me. It was something that I did have to think about, but once I did, it just like it came out of me so seamlessly, and they asked me okay, and are you this person? Do you believe that? And I said yes. And it was something where it was a click, where I was like I am over here taking other people's judgment or other people's opinions and Making them my own, when I truly didn't believe that and the things that I was doing Were based off of that narrative. So, of course, I continued to feel this way because belief drives behavior. So once I defined it for myself and I didn't let others Perceptions of me define that, things started to change. My confidence started to improve because I didn't have that self-doubt. Because Self-doubt and mom guilt kind of go hand in hand, because you don't feel like you are doing a good job, you lack the confidence and don't feel like you're living up to your Expectations and maybe others perceived expectations as well. So, like I said, mom guilt stems from a story that we have. But where does that story come from? Right, it could come from many different areas and I think that one of them is just like the outside environment, like the outside world. I mean, we have so much access to other people right Through social media and just any other kind of media. So we have this picture perfect type scenario that we feel like we need to live up to and it's impossible. So my best advice for you is to really sit down and define what a good mom means to you Not perfect, because none of us are perfect and you don't have to be perfect to be a good mom. So define it for yourself and you'll probably find out pretty soon that you're already there. Now, how do we combat self doubt and mom guilt? So one of the main things, like I said, this always comes from a story that we have based off of, kind of like these outside circumstances. So in order to combat a story and reframe it, we have to look at, like what's really important to us. It's always a great idea to kind of take yourself out of the equations. So what I mean is, let's say someone came up to you, let's say you have a daughter and your daughter came up to you with this issue. What would you say to her? So you kind of take yourself out and we always believe in other people more than we believe in ourselves, right? So you know, our kids come up to us and tell us that they want to be X, y and Z when they grow up and we're like heck, yeah, of course, you can be whatever you want to be, you can do whatever you want to do. We have so much love and hope for others and we don't do that as often for ourselves. So asking yourself the question of what would I say, what advice would I give someone else whether it's your daughter or someone else in your life that came up to you with this issue Like, what would you tell them and then turn that to you and make that your affirmation. So, regardless of what the circumstances are, the things that are happening in the outside world, you can always define what a good mom means to you. And also, if someone came up to you with this issue that you really truly respect and love, what would you tell them? And then you make that your affirmation. And if you make that your positive affirmation, your feelings will change. You will have different feelings, you will have more feelings of hope and empowerment, and when your feelings change and your actions change, and then you just start to create this positive cycle and that self-doubt goes away because you have more confidence, and then something else will pop up, right, you'll take care of one area and then something else will come up. We're a work in progress, right. We're always constantly growing and that's okay. Okay, so I have some homework for you, so we already kind of talked about it. So, define what a good mom means to you and if someone else came up to you that you respected and loved with this issue, what would you tell them? Now, that'll be your assignment, so that you can start to tackle these feelings of self-doubt and mom guilt. All right, that's all I have for you today. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you have an amazing day and I will see you next week, gotcha.