Transcript
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Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos.
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We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best.
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It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive.
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Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals.
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Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos.
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Now on to the show.
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Hey friends, welcome back.
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So I have another special guest with me.
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Today I have Rebecca special guest with me.
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Today I have Rebecca Dickey.
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So, originally from LaGrange, georgia, rebecca pursued a degree in business administration with an accounting concentration at Presbyterian College in Clinton, south Carolina.
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She began her career as a client accountant at Gem Group in Atlanta before joining Accenture, where she spent 17 years, but then, in 2018 and 2019, rebecca faced significant struggles with depression, leading her to prioritize her well-being and leave her career.
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Her journey to recovery included various treatments alongside dietary changes.
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Now Rebecca channels her passion for health and fitness into helping others as a certified life coach.
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She's also currently pursuing a nutrition certification at Cornell University.
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Rebecca is married with two children and, outside of work, enjoys staying active, volunteering at a local church and traveling with her family.
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So, without further ado, here is my conversation with Rebecca.
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Tell us more about your story and how you got to where you are today.
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Sure, so I'll just give a quick background.
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So I grew up in a small town in LaGrange, georgia, and then after that I moved to Atlanta in 2001 to start working at Accenture.
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At the time, just briefly before I started, it was Anderson Consulting and I was there for 17 years and for probably the past five or the last five I really struggled with kind of the upper out mentality.
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I don't know if you know anybody listening is familiar with the corporate consulting world, but it's, it's pretty cutthroat, it's very fast paced, it's very, you know it's client facing, so you've always got to be on your A game.
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You're, you know, finding different roles.
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So you work for the same company but you could be at one client one time and, you know, six months later you move to a different client.
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And all of that is well and good, in my opinion, when you are younger and you don't necessarily have a family.
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In fact, when I first started, I really wanted to travel but I didn't.
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I stayed at a local client, and so it's ironic that, you know, as I kind of went in my career, I didn't want to travel and I actually never traveled, because here in Atlanta we have quite a few local clients.
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So, again, I was there for 17 years, after about 12, I was pretty tired and exhausted and really, you know, had thought about maybe I should do something else.
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By that time I was married with two children and they were probably like four and two or six and four, like four and two or six and four and just the overall like rat race I guess you could call it hamster wheel of life really started to weigh on me around.
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I would say late 2017 or early 2018, I just felt this very heavy, heavy, heavy, deep, you know, sadness, and I my sister has been a huge advocate for me throughout this process and she's a nurse practitioner, so she kind of knew the signs of this deep depressive state that I was slipping into.
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I am a 91% introvert but I'm also a super sensitive person.
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So you know, as I've gone through therapy, my therapist is like that was quite possibly the worst career you could have been in for your personality.
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So I started seeing a psychiatrist in 2018 for depression and it was a slow and steady downhill slide from there.
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I couldn't get the right medicine.
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Work continued to just spin and spin and spin around on the hamster wheel and it just got worse and worse.
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And I finally, you know, told my sister.
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I was like I think this world would be a better place without all of this sadness.
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And I think at that point she was like okay, like we have got to do something.
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So, to make a long story short, I ended up taking a leave of absence.
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I think, subconsciously, I knew that I had to get out of that environment.
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As much as I was trying to climb the corporate ladder and be successful, I just I physically and mentally and emotionally couldn't do it.
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So, on October 29th of 2019, I walked out.
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I was on a phone call with a good friend of mine who was also an HR managing director at the time, and I I just broke.
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She was like well, what are you going to do with your leave of absence?
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And it's going to be fun, you're going to travel and hang out with your kids.
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And I was like what I literally?
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I was like I just literally sat down on the floor in a puddle of tears and I was like, and I told her everything, I was like I've been struggling with this and she was like go get your laptop, close your laptop and go.
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And I did, and it was quite possibly one of the most terrifying days because you have, I mean, it was my identity, my job was my identity, and so I left and I started, you know, getting some pretty extensive therapy I've done.
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I started doing ketamine treatments, which is a, you know, pretty unique treatment offered now which I attribute it to saving me essentially.
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And then we went through COVID.
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There was, you know, two years of that and, you know, coming out of COVID, I really thought, okay, I'm starting to feel better and I have since, you know, regrouped.
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I love to work, and so I have started, you know, a couple of businesses.
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One I'm super passionate about health and fitness.
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It's really, you know, helped in this whole process, like changing what you eat, moving, and I feel very passionate about sharing that with others.
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So that's one business that I've started.
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And then, with that goes the life coaching.
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I feel like I have been through, you know this, four or five years of a really dark place, but I've come out of it and I think that there's a lot of value in A talking about it and, b helping others who may of it.
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And I think that there's a lot of value in a talking about it and be helping others who may be struggling, and so that's where you know, the life coaching kind of passion comes in.
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And then also I love numbers and spreadsheets, so I am also a bookkeeper and I help my sister on the side a little bit with that too.
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So that might be a long answer to your short question, but that's a little bit about me that period of time, but for you to come and share that with others is admirable and I want to thank you for being willing to share that and coming on here and giving your take on this in the hopes that someone else who is listening that may be going through this might find like hope and a way to, you know, get out of whatever it is that they're going through.
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So that's one question that I have for you.
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Is that, like, what are some of the symptoms that you were experiencing when you initially were diagnosed with depression?
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Because you were actually diagnosed with depression, because you were actually diagnosed.
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I know that a lot of people may not ever be diagnosed and they feel it, but they don't necessarily get a proper diagnosis.
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So what were some of the symptoms that you were experiencing?
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I would say just extreme fatigue and brain fog and just this super heavy, heavy sadness.
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I mean, you know I describe it to some people.
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As you know, you're a.
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You literally are just constantly like a small squirrel backed into corner Just looking around.
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It's super hard to make decisions.
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I remember standing in my closet and I only wore black pants to work but it was like, okay, so what shirt do I wear?
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Like literally not being able to pick a shirt out of my closet and I don't have that many and also, yeah, not being able to truly function at home.
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Like all of my brain power was what little that I had.
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Let me be very honest.
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But I would miss really big things at home, like repairs would need to be done and I physically like could not or didn't have the brain power to call the plumber or to make dinner or you know, a lot of people say they couldn't get out of the bed.
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I was a what my psychiatrist calls a high functioning, depressed person.
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So I got out of the bed, I would get dressed, I would go to work, but there were other things like the brain fog and just home life piling up.
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And you know, thankfully I kept it together for my children.
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But it did get to a point where my sister was like you either go to the hospital and we check you in there or you go get these ketamine treatments.
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And so it was least disruptive to our home life for me to go get the ketamine treatments, because then I was allowed to come home.
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Um, but yeah, I would.
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I would just say extreme, just heaviness, brain fog.
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It's like somebody has poured like molasses all over you and you're just walking like in slow motion, sort of like a zombie.
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I mean, there was a point where my sister and my parents were literally like they were like okay, take me by the shoulders and like move me.
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Okay, we're going to go do this, we're going to go do that.
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So it's.
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I would say that those were some of the main symptoms that I faced and I ignored them for a really, really long time.
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Yeah, and I'm, I'm sorry you went through that it's.
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It's something that you can like imagine and then kind of relate to, but you know, in a sense, like like not be at that point where it's like, wow, like just the simplest things, the simplest task, become like this overwhelming, like I can't do this Right to guide you, because I mean, not everyone might have someone, and also like a professional, like in nursing, that can kind of see those signs and be able to communicate with you and find ways to actually, you know, help you take that next step.
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I want to go back to kind of like what contributed to you know this path.
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I know that you talked about like being in that corporate world and you know that feeling that weight of that you know very demanding profession.
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When you started to feel these symptoms, what was it that like in your, in your head, was like the biggest contributor of that, that part of your life?
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So I've always loved working and I've always been a super high achiever.
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I mean, I'm the one that went to college.
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In my first semester I got a 4.0.
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I mean, who does that?
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But I literally was so like not frantic, but sort of frantic, and that I have to do well, I have to.
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You know, I played tennis in high school and it was.
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You know, I have to play the number one line Like I truly think that's the way that God made me as a very, you know, high achiever at the same time.
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And when I got this job at Accenture, I was like, oh my gosh.
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I mean, when I told my dad my starting salary, he was like, is that for two years or is that like an annual salary?
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And I was like, no, no, that's like annual, dad.
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And he was like, wow.
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And so in the consulting world you start out as an analyst but there's a very clear promotion path.
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You know you're two years as an analyst and then you make, you have the opportunity to get promoted to consultant and then manager, and then senior manager and then partner.
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So I always was very driven towards the next promotion, To the detriment of my health, towards the latter end, the latter end.
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So again, I think it's part of my personality is what caused some of the issues, but at the same time I think it's society tells us that we have to do it all as mothers.
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Society as a whole puts a lot of pressure on females, mothers specifically.
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You can have it all.
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I personally do not think you can have it all.
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I think there has something has to give.
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There may be other people out there that are like you're crazy, I've got it all and I.
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I think that's wonderful, but for me personally, I had to.
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I had to take a step back.
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You know it was.
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It was an environment that I could not sustain longer term and I'm realizing that that is okay.
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You know, like I think if you're in a work environment or you're in a marriage or dating, you know whatever, like you don't have to stay there.
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I guess is is part of the message, but you know I was chasing after the next promotion, the money you know talk about tied to the golden handcuffs.
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I mean, I was, it was.
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The big reason I didn't leave is because of the money, and the money's great.
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But if you're not well then it doesn't matter if you have a huge pile of money.
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So I would say my own personality kept me going.
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You know, my high achiever.
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Plus, I think society, like I said, tells women this is what you have to do.
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You have to work hard, you have to get married, you have to have kids, you know, and you have to juggle all the balls, take care of your house, so on and so forth.
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Yeah, and I can definitely see that, and it's sad that that is the type of pressure that we have to deal with sometimes.
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And, you're right, like we can't do it all, at least, at the same time.
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Right, we can't juggle everything at the same time.
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Of course we can, you know, strive for whatever it is that we want to do, and we can do those things.
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But, yes, something's got to give and there's going to be a focus that you're going to have to have, and then other things are going to have to fall by the wayside, and that's, you know, the beauty of it is that you get to decide that.
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But there is a point where you feel like you can't right, and it starts to just weigh on you.
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So how long do you think you were experiencing this before you actually, you actually, kind of like, spoke out and got help, I would say a solid four years.
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I mean it's sad to say, but it's.
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You know.
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A I didn't know what I was really feeling.
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B I felt trapped.
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You know like I felt like there was no other job that was going to be as good as this one.
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Moving from a consulting job into an industry job, I was like, oh, I mean, I can't do that.
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The money won't be the same, the insurance won't be the same, the people won't be as smart Like I just had all of these stories that I told myself, and we all know that finding a new job is a full-time job and I just didn't have time.
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So I continued to just grind away and do it all and if I had it to go back and do over, I would have said I'm done.
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You know like there are worse things in life than quitting your job.
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You know like if you're miserable and you're sick, like I understand, everybody has to pay their mortgage, but if you don't have your health, you don't have anything.
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So I it was a long time, you know to feel that just heaviness of the weight of the world.
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And you know, I wish I know now what I knew then, or knew then what I know now could go back and just stick up for myself essentially and be like I'm done, I'm out.
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Stick up for myself essentially and be like I'm done, I'm out.
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I have enough talent and enough gifts to go find another job that is not so stressful.
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And if I take a pay cut, it's okay.
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You know, like it is okay, the world will keep spinning.
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Yeah, and you know now that you're kind of like on the other side and you know you're doing lots of other wonderful things, how do you kind of maintain, you know, your well being, even, even you know doing what you're doing now?
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doing what you're doing now.
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Yes, I mean I have to be very conscientious of it.
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If anybody's listening that does have depression, they know that it doesn't go away.
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It can definitely.
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I have to work really hard to keep it at bay.
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I talk about it.
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You know where it can jump up on your shoulder and just attack you at truly any given moment.
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Um, so, lots of rest, lots of rest.
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I, you know, try to eat really well.
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Exercise is a huge part of it.
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Medicine, therapy, um, and really just keeping my lifestyle as stress free as possible, which is a little hard with a teenager and a tween, but I mean they're great kids, but we've all had to be like super vigilant around.
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Okay, if I've had a long night or something's happened with the kids, like the next day I can't just crush it from, you know, 5am in the morning until 6pm at night, like I have to maybe sit on the sofa and watch a show on Netflix which sounds lazy, but I mean, four or five years ago I would have deemed that as like super lazy.
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But sometimes you just need that like time to decompress, and so I have given myself a lot of grace and I've never done that in the past and I've.
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I really, really have to make it a constant like effort to take care of myself and to do all the things, because it if I don't take care of me, nobody else is really going to do it for sure.
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So, you know, as, as a life coach, you kind of understand, like, how our mind works and how our thoughts are so powerful, right, yes, what?
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What is a thought that, like, really elevates you to?
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You know, continue on this path with your well being and making sure that you don't feel the need to.
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You know, be that high achiever that that you are, that you are.
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You know, I told my sister in the probably the depths of it all if I ever get better, I will talk about days to talk about it because people A don't know what it feels like and B if they do, they don't know what it is, and C they certainly don't talk about it.
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So I am here to share the story and really tell women, especially women that work with children, because I think I would just say watch, watch out, you know, and if you feel these feelings like go see somebody, it's okay, it's totally okay, like this is what it is.
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You know, I shared some of the symptoms earlier and it's okay.
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You know, I shared some of the symptoms earlier and it's okay.
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Truly, it's okay to ask for some help and that's what keeps me, you know, keeps me going and it's also my own job to take care of myself.
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So, with the health and fitness stuff, it's, you know, your job, is your journey, and truly with the life coaching stuff too, because I constantly have to life coach myself through some of the triggers and, you know, situations that come up and so, yeah, I mean that's kind of how I stay on course and not slide back into that super high achieving and I sit on the sofa and watch Netflix and I tell myself that that is okay.
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You know, like some days I'm like this is just what I'm going to do and it is.
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It is okay, like that is all part of taking care of yourself, and it may not be your sofa and Netflix, but it may be something else that you feel like is a guilty pleasure, but it's, you know, whatever makes you happy Truly.
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Yeah, which can be super hard, right Cause we sometimes will feel guilty about just doing things for ourselves, but in reality, when we're happy, everybody else is happy, and I want to thank you again for sharing your story.
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Like I said, I know it's not easy to do that, but it just seems so natural for you to want to share this because you know it can help so many people.
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You're an amazing coach and you know I'm sorry, obviously, that this happened to you, but then I'm really happy for how this has turned out for you and how you're paying it forward.
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By sharing your story and, you know, really focusing on yourself and making sure that you're taken care of, you can spread that around and be able to help other people and your family as well.
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So, to wrap this up, what are some encouraging words that you can give someone that is listening right now, that may be feeling this and doesn't really know what to do?
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What would you say to them?
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I would say honor your feelings, like if you're feeling overwhelmed, super heavy sadness, you know, anxious, you know whatever you're feeling.
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Honor the feelings and really take an inventory of all of that, write it down, talk to a friend about it and go get some help.
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Get some help If you are, and by going to get help I the first step that I took obviously my sister, but I went to my internist and I literally could hardly like get the words out and I thought what am I?
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What am I even going to say when I call to make the appointment?
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You know like they're like well, why are you coming in?
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I didn't have a stomach ache.
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I didn't have a stomach ache, I didn't have a sore throat, but I literally said I am so sad, I feel like I'm depressed, I can't stop crying and it was awful to make that phone call, but that was my first step is to go to an internist.
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I later saw a psychiatrist and a therapist and I still see a therapist to this day.
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So I would say honor your feelings, don't be afraid to get some help and don't be afraid to talk to others about it.
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You would be shocked at the people that have either gone through this before or have a family member that are struggling, or have a husband or a child that have struggled with it.
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So don't.
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I was so ashamed for so long.
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I was so embarrassed, I was so ashamed, and I would just encourage them to get some help and talk about it and don't.
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Just don't be ashamed, and it's okay if you need some help.
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So, rebecca, if someone wants to learn more about you and get in touch with you, how can they do that?
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Yes, so I'm on Instagram.
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My Instagram handle is Rebecca Morton Dickey and that's also my Facebook account, so those are probably the two best ways.
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I share a lot about my story.
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Those are two good ways Perfect, and I will put those in the show notes so people can just click on it again.
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Thank you, rebecca, so much we're taking the time to do this and share your story.
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Thank you of course.
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Thank you for having me.
