Transcript
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Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos.
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We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best.
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It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive.
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Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals.
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Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos.
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Now on to the show.
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All right, guys, welcome back to another episode.
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So today you're going to have Mark and Teresa.
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There you go.
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I was going to let you say it, but I didn't know if you were going to jump in.
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We want to chat about something that we found both of the people that we kind of serve, as well as a lot of the people that we're around in the Push, coach, certification and just on social media in general.
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We have this thing where we kind of come up with what's called self-sabotage, where we get in the way of our specific goals, and so I wanted to have her on here because I always think that, like we're always the masters at sabotaging ourselves, because we know and have the behind the scenes stuff, we know what we can use against ourselves to not get us to take action.
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So I wanted to bring Teresa here with me so that we can kind of both discuss this and see how we're actually both been affected by this throughout our life and our journey too.
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So great to have you.
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Thanks, great to have you on my podcast.
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Oh, that's right, cause it's going to be a both.
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All right guys, welcome back.
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Okay, so let's get into this.
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Let's let's first talk about like self-sabotage.
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Like I don't know if you have like some kind of definition or how you kind of like think of it.
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I can share with you what kind of like how I think of it is.
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Like it's, when you think about sabotage, it's kind of like somebody or something is throwing like a monkey wrench into your spokes, right, they're kind of like getting you to throw off, throw yourself off.
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And when we do that to ourselves, it's like we're the ones who are preventing us from actually seeing the results that we want to see in our life, actually doing the things that we want to do.
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Right, we kind of can talk ourselves out of it.
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So that's kind of how I like to describe it is like it's it's like an enemy and that enemy is actually us, and when we are the enemy, it kind of like feels like hey, you know what, maybe we shouldn't do this, maybe we shouldn't take this action, maybe we're not good enough, maybe all these kinds of things come up that basically like play to our head voice, which you know, you and I know a little bit about that.
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Maybe we can talk a little bit about that, but it's like this fear mechanism that gets us to not take action.
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So, um, that being said, how have you seen whether it's in your personal life or in the coaching and stuff that you do with mom entrepreneurs what do you see coming in the way when it comes to sabotage?
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Yeah, and one thing I do have to say is that most of the time we don't realize we're doing this, because why would we intentionally put a monkey wrench into you know our actions?
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So, yeah, I mean it's're doing to ourselves that we don't even realize, and bring that to our attention so that we can make make changes right.
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So, yeah, one of the things actually two things that are very similar are things that we do that we use to sabotage ourselves unintentionally, and one of them is perfection, which is really procrastination, and the procrastination is what is kind of like the sabotage piece, Because you know, if you know what you need to do, why wouldn't you just do it?
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If you have?
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You know the, you know the road that you're going down, you know all the steps to take, and you're going down that road and you stop because, oh, things aren't perfect.
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Or you stop and say, well, I'll do this tomorrow, because this other thing is more important.
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You know, you can probably think of a million different things that you've already done in this manner that have prevented you from moving forward, and it's just kind of an excuse for not taking the action because, for whatever reason and I think that I have felt this myself.
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Reason and I think that I have felt this myself is probably the fear of what those actions are going to lead you to.
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You kind of know what those actions are, but when you get to that result, what kind of manifestation is that going to bring?
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What kind of responsibility is that going to bring in your life that you're afraid of and you're not thinking about it consciously?
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You're thinking, said you want to achieve, because there's some type of responsibility or some type of other life.
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I mean, it could be something really huge, and that is part of sabotage, because you know you want that particular goal but in reality you're scared.
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You're scared to actually achieve that.
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Yeah, and let's hit that real quick, because I know for me personally, I like the logic behind it, because a lot of what you're talking about is like those emotions that get us to take certain actions or not take certain actions.
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But I like to think about it this way and this is what we teach inside of our Life Coach Certification is there's a difference between our head voice and our heart voice.
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So when you realize that your head, which most of the time has unconscious thoughts, actually more than conscious thoughts it's focused on trying to keep you safe and all the information that it has is based off of the past, and so it's going to look at all the things you've done in the past and say, well, if we continue to do these things, we're going to be safe.
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But here's the thing there's no growth in that.
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There's no growth in just doing what you've always done, right, because you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten.
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And so when you can do that, when you can go hey, wait, like I understand that my brain is working this way and it's going to keep me safe.
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Like that's just my brain trying to trick me into thinking that it's good if I don't take these actions.
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And how that looks is it comes out in confusion, it comes out in fear, it comes out in procrastination, it comes out in overthinking because if you do that, then you don't have to take the actions that your brain doesn't know what's going to happen and we haven't evolved out of that yet.
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Like our brain still doesn't know that we're not, you know, on the prairie getting chased by a saber tooth tiger and that we need to like be around a group of people to be able to survive.
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Like that's not how this life is anymore.
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But our brain hasn't evolved out of that.
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And so understanding that helps me.
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Because when I get that thought or that feeling of like, oh my gosh, like this specific thing is something that I need to get better at, um, and I want to grow through, but I have these feelings of like wanting to procrastinate, wanting not to do it, wanting to like go back into my shell, um, I know and I'm like you know what.
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I know this is the way that my brain is supposed to work and this is okay for me to take those uncomfortable actions.
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That's the reason why they always say get out of your comfort zone, right?
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So that is how it works logically, but our brain will do anything in its power to keep us safe right.
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Our limiting beliefs are constantly looking for a story to justify our fears and excuses.
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It's trying to find any reason.
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Maybe it's from your past, maybe it's from something you did.
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Maybe it's from some way that you think about it.
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Maybe it's some way somebody told you that you weren't good enough, you wouldn't amount to anything, and now you're like setting out to prove that.
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So yeah, so understanding that, I think, is really key.
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Yeah, and it takes practice to realize that you're even doing that right.
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It's all about awareness.
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It's about knowing that you're actually doing this to yourself.
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And I want to start with that, like one of the ways that we, as life coaches, we become aware of these thoughts and other people is their words.
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So what you say, if you say that I don't have the time, if you say that it's just not possible for me, or you say like, hey, you know, when things slow down, I'll be able to take control of this when I make more money, when I have more time, when the kids get out of school, when they get back in school, when COVID's gone, like all those things, when you say it out loud, you are now going to be set out to prove that the decision you made was correct.
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So when I hear somebody say that I don't have time or I don't do this, I make sure that that's the focus of that coaching session is to really plug into that, because it's all false news, that's all false beliefs, limiting beliefs that are preventing you from actually seeing the success you want.
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And if somebody really wants it, bad enough, they're going to be able to get beyond that.
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But sometimes you need the help from a coach, you need the help from a team, you need help to kind of like go wait, wait, wait, no, like not because we want to beat you up over the fact that you're doing this, but we want you to understand it's happening and to make a different decision next time.
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And really what happens is over time you start to like change these beliefs.
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It's not something that happens instantaneously, but over time it kind of like really builds up.
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I actually wrote about this in my book because it's such a powerful lesson to realize that even when you know this is happening to you, it could still get you off track.
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It still gets me off track quite a bit, but understanding it gets you the ability of getting back on track really quick.
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Yeah, and everybody does it, everybody, I mean.
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You know you're listening to us and we're talking to you about.
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You know what we hear other people say and what's going on, but we do it too.
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It's like nobody's immune to this.
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Right, right, and and I was kind of talking about this last podcast, but I'll do, I'll say it again because I'm going to, this is going to be on Teresa's podcast as well, but there's three like really important pieces.
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I think that you can set yourself up for success when it comes to.
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I think that you can set yourself up for success when it comes to um, when it comes to this self-sabotage.
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So the first piece is, um, taking action.
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All right, so whenever you have this feeling of being uncomfortable, realizing, hey, it's my, this is my head voice trying to keep me stuck, but I have so much more potential, I've got to do something different if I want something different, and then just taking action is going to teach you whether that was the right action or the wrong action.
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It's just a matter of like, oh, I'm uncomfortable, let me take action anyway and let me see if it was the right or the wrong thing.
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Second piece is connecting with the right people.
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So, when you start hanging out with other people who are listening to your words, who value that, who also are, you know, saying things out loud, that will get you to, like, change some of the beliefs, maybe some of the things that you don't think are true right now, but that idea of, like you do have time, you can make the time, you can shift that focus and actually, like I say, like, become like a master at your mindset so that you can own all areas of your life.
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Right, you can do that, but it's much easier when you hang out with other people who either are doing that or also believe that you can do that.
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Beliefs are contagious guys, so hanging out with the right people will help you with those beliefs.
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And the third thing is learning the next right lesson.
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If you're constantly learning, what's that next thing that I can do, what's the next step that I can take, what do I need to do to become that next version of me, then you're going to be able to get beyond self-sabotage because you're going to be so busy making progress and creating results in your life you're not going to have time to worry about all those little things.
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And when they pop up again, guess what?
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You say hey, this is the way my brain works, like Brooks Castillo has told me, like this is the way your brain works, and just say, oh, thank you, thank you so much for working this way, but you're not serving me right now, and so I'm going to take these actions instead.
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And it's so much easier when you're surrounding yourself with a team of right people.
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What do you think about that?
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Yeah, I mean, you know we've we've lived this for many, many years now and it's just, it's just something that you know.
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Like Mark said, our brains do this, so it's surrounding yourself with the you know we say the right people, but it's the right people who are going to help you get to where you want to be.
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You know, we're not talking about like morals or anything like that.
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We're just talking about the people, like-minded people, who really want to improve their lives and are really open to improving and also want to share.
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You know what's worked for them and you know we always want to share what's worked for us.
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So it's about putting yourself in an environment where you can grow.
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I love that.
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I love that.
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That's a really great point.
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This is not a right or wrong conversation, guys.
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There's no like when you think about this and this is how, like, where you, our mastermind teams on this.
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Okay, so when we figure out what you really want to achieve, when we figure out what those goals are, like you first, um, finding a group of people who have those similar goals or values is critical, and it could be just they're not in alignment with what me or Teresa say.
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It could be in alignment with something else entirely different.
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That doesn't matter, it's still the same process is you make sure you're taking action, you make sure you're connecting with the right people who are in alignment with your goals not right or wrong people, but just the right people for where you're going.
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And then you've got to learn the right lesson around where you're trying to grow.
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So, like, if I'm like, hey, you know, in 2022, I'm going to 10 X my business, then I wouldn't want to be spending all my time learning health information or nutrition information.
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No, I got to make sure that I'm focused on what my personal and what my professional goal, what those goals are and what do I need to learn.
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What's the next right lesson there that's going to help me, like, become that person?
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Not that there's a right or wrong, any of that I'm really glad that you brought that up but there is, depending on what your specific goals and what your vision is, there's a specific growth plan and number of people that you should find, so that way, you can make your life just so much easier.
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Okay, all right.
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So, guys, I think that's all we have for you, guys today, and the reason why I decided, or I wanted to do this self-sabotage after we talked about our goals is because whenever you sit down and you identify what you really want not what your family wants, not what other people around you want like you sit down and go this is what I want my life to be like, and then you can reverse, engineer that into the daily actions to take.
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There's only one person that could prevent you from achieving that, and that is yourself.
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No outside force, no facts, no circumstances, no whatever on the outside of the world can prevent you from achieving your goals.
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It's not.
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You can't.
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It's impossible.
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The only time that is possible is when you give that your power, and that's what you do every time that you get in your own way and you throw some self-sabotage up there.
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So if you've done this before, if you've tried to succeed when it comes to your health, when it comes to your business, when it comes to your family, when it comes to those things, and you're like I don't know what's wrong with me, I want you to know there's nothing wrong with you.
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But you need to do those three things that we talked about.
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Number one take action.
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Number two make sure.
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Three learn that next right lesson.
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And when you do that, you're going to look up six months from now and go oh my gosh, it wasn't me, it was this system that I had and the fact that I didn't realize how my brain worked.
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And I promise you you're going to achieve some really amazing things, and when you do, we both want you to reach out and share them with us.
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Okay, we appreciate you guys so much for being on the podcast.
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Thank you so much.
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All right, we'll see you on the next episode.
