The Art of Saying No: Escaping Overcommitment and Embracing Your Priorities

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show. Good morning or good afternoon, good evening, I'm not sure what time of the day you listen to podcasts. I usually listen to them in the morning, but in any event, welcome Welcome back to the show. Today we're going to be talking about saying yes and how that's a problem. You can probably relate to this if you're a people pleaser, where you feel like you need to say yes to anything that pops up. If somebody asks you to do something, if there's some type of project or somebody invites you to something and you feel obligated to say yes, or you just put it on yourself that you feel like you're going to be missing out on something if you say no. So I want to talk about this today, because I think it's important to not only say no, but say no a lot more frequently than you say yes. Now I want to dive into three main reasons why you're probably always saying yes more than you say no, and the ultimate problem that that causes. So let's go into reason number one, and that is you don't have a vision, because having a vision allows you to easily know whether something is aligned with your big goal or not. It's what makes it easier to evaluate opportunities. So you're saying yes to the right ones and no to those projects or opportunities that might seem great on the surface but are really just shiny objects that are pulling you off your path to reach your goal. Okay, so reason number two is you're focusing on lack. There's a scarcity mindset at play here, so you're feeling like if you don't say yes, this is a missed opportunity. But then we go back to reason number one is because you have no vision, because when you have a vision and you know what the right opportunities are, because they do align with your goals, then you don't feel like you're missing out. You don't have that FOMO, the fear of missing out, because you know that maybe this particular opportunity is just not right for you, but that's okay because you're still going along, because you're focusing on your vision. And when you're focused on your vision, then you have more of an abundance mindset. You know that those right opportunities are going to come along, because you're on the right path and you're keeping an open mind for those opportunities. So reason number three is because you're people pleasing. Now, I am guilty of this. I've always been a people pleaser and I always thought it's because, well, I just want to make people happy, but in reality it's because I don't want to piss people off. I don't want people to be upset with me. And that was huge, because now that I am starting to understand how I can't make people happy and I also can't piss people off, that is on them. So it kind of relieves that responsibility that I felt to please people, because you can't really please people. And what a relief that is. I mean, think about it, just thinking about how you are not responsible for how people are going to react or feel based off of your actions, just like how you know that people can't make you feel a certain way unless you allow them to. So the ultimate problem with saying yes to everything is going to be, that you're going to feel resentment, and resentment doesn't lead to anything good. So, like I said, I am a people pleaser and I have been working on this for a long time, trying to get into the habit of saying no more than I say yes, and basically I've made no my default, because I think about what's important to me, like what are my priorities? And if those opportunities or things that people ask me to do align with my priorities like I said, my vision then yeah, some yeses will creep in there, but for the most part I will say no to a lot of things and I have to say that it feels so freeing to do that. Like you feel like you're moving faster towards your goals because you're really focused on working on the things that you're working on, like if you have your priorities, like things start to move along because you're not distracted by other things, you're focused and you're actually more available for all of those other opportunities that you know really do align with your vision. And it just makes work so much more enjoyable Because when you are doing the things that you really want to do and you're doing the work that you love, it just feels so much better. You don't want to throw in things that you regret and you're like I know I should have said no to this. So then, like I said, it resents and it starts to come in and it's just so much easier to say no and just get it over with Without having to tippy toe around certain things and then ultimately say yes to something that you really don't want to do. So if you're starting to see that this is a problem for you, check yourself. Check to see if you do have a vision, check to see if you're focusing more on lack or if you're people pleasing. It really takes some time to start getting used to saying no, but start practicing. Start practicing on this and if it's not super important and it doesn't align with your priorities, start saying no, and you don't have to give a reason why. That is one thing. Like if you take anything from this podcast, you don't have to explain yourself to people, okay, and that's a whole other thing. That feels really amazing. You'll start to feel so empowered and it'll become much easier to say no. All right, well, that's all I have for you today, but think about this. Think about how you may be saying yes too much and start saying no, it's going to feel really good. All right, I hope you have an amazing day and I will see you next week.